ALL TAP WATER IS DRINKABLE LIKE ALL LIVES ARE LIVABLE

ALL TAP WATER IS DRINKABLE LIKE ALL LIVES ARE LIVABLE.

WHICH IS TRUE!

ALL LIVES ARE LIVABLE.

YOU’RE VERY ADAPTABLE.

YOU CAN GET USED TO A BAD JOB, A BAD ROOM, A BAD BODY, A BAD RELATIONSHIP, A BAD CITY.

PEOPLE CAN ADAPT TO BASICALLY ANYTHING AND THEN POINT TO THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE NOT DIED AS PROOF THAT THE CONDITIONS ARE GOOD.

TAP WATER PEOPLE TALK LIKE THIS.

WOW: IT’S DRINKABLE.

YES.

CONGRATULATIONS.

THE MUNICIPALITY HAS SUCCESSFULLY PRODUCED A LIQUID THAT WILL NOT IMMEDIATELY KILL YOU.

THIS IS APPARENTLY THE HIGHEST POSSIBLE STANDARD BECAUSE WANTING THE WATER TO TASTE GOOD WOULD MEAN YOU HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED BY CAPITALISM.

THAT PART DOESN’T BOTHER ME.

THE WATER IS PROBABLY FINE.

I AM NOT SAYING THE PIPE IS PLOTTING AGAINST YOU OR THAT EVERY GLASS CONTAINS A SECRET GOVERNMENT CHEMICAL THAT MAKES YOU ENJOY LINKEDIN.

I JUST THINK PEOPLE CONFUSE SAFE WITH DESIRABLE ALL THE TIME.

IN 1970 BOTTLED WATER WAS BARELY A CATEGORY.

NOW IT IS A HUNDREDS-OF-BILLIONS-OF-DOLLARS GLOBAL MARKET.

WATER DID NOT BECOME NEW.

THE BOTTLE DID.

THE SHAPE, THE LABEL, THE SOUND OF THE CAP, THE IDEA OF A MOUNTAIN, THE BLUE COLOR THAT SAYS THIS LIQUID HAS NEVER TOUCHED A HUMAN HAND EVEN THOUGH IT HAS BEEN THROUGH SIX MACHINES AND A WALMART.

PEOPLE SAY YOU ARE BUYING WATER.

YOU ARE MOSTLY BUYING A CONTAINER THAT TELLS YOU HOW TO FEEL WHILE DRINKING WATER.

FIJI IS A SQUARE VACATION.

VOSS IS A GLASS CYLINDER THAT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT.

SMARTWATER IS WATER FOR SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BE SEEN HOLDING A DECISION.

THE SHAPE IS NOT FAKE.

THAT IS THE THING PEOPLE MISS.

IF A LABUBU WAS POURED INTO A GENERIC CLEAR BAG IT WOULD TECHNICALLY BE THE SAME OBJECT, BUT IT WOULD NOT HAVE THE SAME LIFE.

THE CONTAINER CHANGES HOW THE THING MOVES THROUGH THE WORLD.

IT CHANGES WHERE YOU PUT IT, WHETHER YOU KEEP IT, WHETHER YOU PHOTOGRAPH IT, WHETHER IT FEELS LIKE YOURS.

TASTE IS PARTLY CHEMICAL AND PARTLY CONTEXT.

PURITY IS PARTLY A MEASUREMENT AND PARTLY A VIBE.

EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS THIS UNTIL THE PRODUCT IS TOO BASIC, THEN THEY START PERFORMING MORAL SUPERIORITY ABOUT FUNCTION.

A CHAIR ONLY HAS TO HOLD YOU.

A HOUSE ONLY HAS TO KEEP RAIN OFF.

A LIFE ONLY HAS TO CONTINUE.

I DON’T NEED EVERY OBJECT TO SAVE ME.

I ALSO DON’T NEED TO PRETEND THE OBJECT HAS NO FREQUENCY.

SOMETIMES THE CHEAP BOTTLE TASTES BETTER BECAUSE IT WAS COLD AND YOU WERE THIRSTY.

SOMETIMES TAP WATER TASTES LIKE THE INSIDE OF A BUILDING.

BOTH THINGS CAN BE TRUE WITHOUT A PANEL DISCUSSION.

SURVIVING SOMETHING DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO LIKE THE VIBE.